How to Manage Your Stress as a Parent of a Child with Special Needs
Stress is common in any family. But in a special needs family, it is alarmingly common. In fact, many parents suffer from post-traumatic stress and health problems secondary to stress. Parenting a child with special needs brings with it many additional challenges—compared to parenting a “neurotypical” child—such as behavioral problems, educational issues, additional financial pressures and the effect on siblings, to name a few. However, there is good news: you can learn to better manage stress and when you do, the entire family benefits.
Here are some effective ways to best manage your stress as a parent of a special-needs child:
Identify your sources of stress
Take a moment for honest self-reflection about your sources of stress and write them all down. This can be quite cathartic. When we were cave-people, our sources of stress came mainly from real-life threats to our survival. But today, our stress triggers come from two sources: external to us (events, our children, our situation) and internal (from our own brain and mind).
In parents of special needs children, there are undoubtedly more sources of external stress arising from your child’s complex situation. And over time, internal sources of stress in the shape of negative thinking, grief, anxiety and uncertainty pile up, all of which creates one big pile of stress.
Additional internal sources of stress include grieving, negative thoughts, guilt and blame, uncertainty and worry about your child’s future, and embarrassment and fear that others will judge you.
Become an expert on your child’s condition
Knowledge is power. Your child needs you to be a strong, empowered advocate for him or her. When you walk into a meeting with a doctor or a special education team, you need to be armed with accurate knowledge about your child and his/her condition.
Begin by keeping good records of every visit, letter, and meeting. Find reputable sources of information on your child’s disability and learn as much as you can. Learn about treatment options, education protocols, and what to expect. Get help from a support group, library, coach or other professional if you are struggling.
A healthy body and brain reacts better to stress. Health is a balancing act between health liabilities and health assets. Reduce health liabilities, which are things that are bad for your health, including poor diet, inactivity, smoking, spending time with toxic people, and avoiding medical care for health problems. Health assets should be increased with healthy diet, good hydration, positive thinking, good sleep AND having fun and nurturing yourself.
Develop a stress management toolkit
A stress management toolkit is a pre-identified list of things that help you manage your stress. Just as stress is based on our own personal perspective, so is our stress management. Some people love massage, other people hate it. Some people find classical music relaxing, while others love nothing more than to chill to Nirvana.
Tools include the following:
- Develop lifestyle changes, such as exercise, listening to music or eating well.
- Build positive relationships and consciously spend time with people who make you feel good.
- Engage in activities that put you in a positive state. Have fun because you deserve it.
- Journaling is like having a conversation with your own subconscious mind.
Neuroscience research shows that mindfulness practice is an extremely powerful tool in managing stress and can change the function of the brain. This includes diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, relaxation and prayer.
Spend time in the glory of nature.
Do what works for you.
Do not judge yourself too harshly
You are undoubtedly doing your best under difficult conditions. Being a parent of a special needs child is tough, really tough. It is important to set realistic expectations and small achievable goals. It is better to overachieve and set the bar higher next time than to underachieve and feel demoralized. Spending time with other parents of special needs children may help with this. While their situation is different and nobody can ever completely understand what you are going through, it is good to share disaster stories and hot tips.
Don’t ignore your stress
Stress is bad for your physical and emotional health, your relationships, your parenting and your performance in all you do. Face your stress head on and do something about it.
Do not over-identify yourself as a parent of a special needs child
Changing your identity to someone with a problem is bad for you long term. You are still the same amazing person you were before you had your child and his/her problems began. Just like parents who are going through divorce, have a serious health problem themselves, are bereaved, or have financial or legal problems, you do have more on your plate.
Learn to congratulate yourself for the amazing job you do, reflect on what you have learned (adversity always teaches us lessons) and focus on making your life better in the future. This is where you have the power.
Parents of special needs children suffer increased levels of stress. For the sake of their own health and sanity, they need to learn to manage their stress. Taking time to nurture yourself as a parent of a special needs child is not selfish, it is essential. Stress is highly personal and so is stress management. So take control of your stress and do it soon. You and your family deserve to be living balanced, thriving lives.
As always, if you need resources, we are here for you.
American Advocacy group is on the front lines every day, making positive change happen for people diagnosed with Autism, Down syndrome and a range of diagnoses across the continuum. As a leading advocate for all people with intellectual and developmental disabilities and their families, and the premier provider of the support and services people want and need, we understand the system and know how to take action in regard to your best interests.
CONTACT US FOR HELP.
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